Halloween Week

I haven't really been on the last couple of weeks. I've been very busy. Paco got lasik so he had the week off and we got some much needed family time. Being in the Marines has really screwed that up for us. I think he is at work more then he is home. Which is fine for him because Paco loves his job. I'm not saying he doesn't love us but I can see that he has a purpose now and that makes me happy for him.

We went to the pumpkin patch and let the boys pick the ones they wanted. We had never gone to one before and we loved it. I think we are going to make it a family tradition. The boys had so much fun running through the fields of pumpkins and deciding on the perfect one. They even picked the stencil that they wanted us to carve for them. Matthew of course wanted a skull and Christian really doesn't know what's going on yet so we picked out a ghost stencil for him. I have to admit the skull one came out better.We took the boys trick or treating Sunday night and they looked so cute. Matthew was Leonardo the Ninja Turtle and Christian was Captain America. I think we only stayed out for an hour and a half by the time Matthew decided he had enough candy and he was ready to go home. I think he was just tired of walking which was fine with me. I don't think they need that much candy anyways. I just want them to have an many happy memories as possible.

Paco's mom never took him trick or treating and he always said he wanted to when he was a little boy. I know that she would flip out if she knew we took the boys, but I'm not going to take that away from them when I was able to go as a little girl. I don't think it's fair or right but hey that's just me. To each their own right? All I know is that the boys had a blast and seeing them happy makes me happy.

Paco also got Christian to sleep in his toddler bed. I think he is still too small but he likes it for the most part. He'll go to sleep in it but always wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to go to his crib, so of course I put him in it and he goes right back to sleep. He will nap in the toddler bed though. I tell Paco that we need to take baby steps when it comes to that transition, but I really think its just me wanting Christian to stay little and not grow up. He's my baby and it makes me sad to see him growing up so fast.

So that's pretty much all that is going on with me at the moment. I'll be back soon with all the little details of my very exciting life as a mother and wife :))

Jackie J

jaded...

Ever since Ana died I've been jaded. I don't know what it is. I felt like a part of me died with her and I can't get past the face that my best friend is gone. Looking back at that time of my life is so hard and I can't get over the fact that its been a little over two years that she passed away...

I met Ana when I changed schools in the 5th grade. I was ten and she was the first friend I made. We loved to hate each other, but you could never find us apart. There was just something that always held us together. I tell my husband that she was my soul mate. I know it sounds corny but we just understood each other in a way that I can't explain and we knew each other better then anyone else. I could always tell when something was wrong with her, as she could with me. Over the years our friendship got strained when I met a boy. I let him be the center of my life and even though me and Ana never stopped being friends I gave him more importance than I gave her... I know I violated girl code number 1. chicks before... well you get the hint hahaha... but she just seemed to understand that I was "in love". She got pregnant and had a baby after that. You would think that would change our friendship but I think it brought us closer together and her beautiful baby girl called me "Aunt Jackie". We both got pregnant a few yrs later at the same time and had our boys a few months apart.

I got married to Paco when he enlisted in the Marines after Matthew (our oldest son) was born. When the hubbs left to basic I didn't know what to do with myself. It was Ana that kept me going. She always said "we have to take advantage of the last few months you live here." So we did everything together. I think I spent more time with her in the first year of my marriage then I did with my husband. Two weeks before we were supposed to move to our first duty station she was killed in a car accident. Luckily her kids survived the accident. That day was the worst day of my life. No 21 year old should have to help her husband plan her funeral, but I did. Saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. She wasn't supposed to be dead. I talked to her half an hour before she died and told her to be careful and I loved her. I am grateful for that conversation because I got to tell her how much she meant to me, but I didn't think that it would be the last time I would ever talk to my best friend who was more like my sister than anything else.

Ever since then I can't say that I have many friends. I'd say I have 3 really good friends and 2 of them I've known at least as long as I've known her. I can't seem to let my guard down when it comes to making friends here in California. I know that I should let go of her and move on I just don't know how. My mom says that I am afraid of letting people in for the fear of losing someone I love, and I'd have to say she's right. Losing her has been the worst thing that ever happened to me.

The reason I wrote about her tonight is because of a convo me and Paco had today. He asked if I believe in ghosts or spirits and I do. I told him that I can smell her every now and then. Its like when someone walks by you and you can smell them for a split second and then the smell is gone, or a song that you haven't heard in ages comes on the radio and you automatically think of that person who is gone. I think that is them telling you "hi, i'm still here with you". Call me crazy but it's just something I believe and it brings me a little bit of comfort thinking that she is still with me.